Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
