my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
