Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
