Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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