based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
