exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
