Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
