You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
