oh god the rape fog is back!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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