im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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