she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
