My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
