A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
