i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize