Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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