I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize