Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
