I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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