She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
