all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
