It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
