A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
