this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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