i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
