I could have mohawked her pubes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
