i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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