Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
