He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize