You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i need some magic done to my vagina
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
