youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize