You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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