dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
