Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
