I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
