i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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