So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
