I can text with my tongue
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize