Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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