What did we do last night that was yellow?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
