Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize