Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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