i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
