your thong is hanging out like whoa
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
