Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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