I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
