i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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