I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
