you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
