im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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