I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
