don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize