You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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