I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
