everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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