Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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