bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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