FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
