Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
