Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
