Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
