u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
