The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
