Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
