it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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