you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
