"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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