you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
