Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
