I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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