Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she smelled like a LAN party
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
