My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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