Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
